Monday, February 21, 2011

Westchester Has Turned Me Into a Jonathan Franzen Character

So I yelled at an old man.

Yup, I've finally gone off the deep end.

Remember those snowpiles I mentioned a few posts back? Well, we've had those piles of snow on either sides of our driveway since December 16!

Yes, that's SINCE LAST YEAR people!!

And when I went over to the neighbor across the street to ask him to please stop pushing all of his snow to our side of the street, he responded by saying:

"Well, where else should I put it?"

Uhm...oh, I don't know...maybe YOUR side of the street? Maybe YOUR backyard you big DOUCHE? How about I hire a crew to stuff it all up your pooper?

So a few days ago it snowed again and I was sick of it. I spent two hours digging out the snow and putting the snow on HIS side of the street. Then, a window went up in the house and an old man shouted at me. He said:

"Why are you putting all your snow on our side of the street? How am I supposed to drive over all that snow when I get out of my spot?"

I look over at him and I throw down my shovel and point at the HUGE piles of snow on my side of the street. And then I proceed to scream at this extremely old man:

"Do you SEE the HUGE PILES of snow on our side of the street? YOUR LANDLORD has been doing this to us ALL WINTER! Well, it's not cool, is it? I'm totally SICK OF IT and we don't get any sun on our side of the street so the snow DOESN'T MELT. If I put the snow on your side of the street it will melt by tomorrow! WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO PULL IN AND OUT OF OUR DRIVEWAY SINCE DECEMBER 16TH! And what are you talking about? That's NOT EVEN YOUR CAR parked next to that snow!"

Yes, not my best moment.

Then the landlord opens his door and just stands there staring at me with his hands on his hips. I mean, it was really weird. I thought, you know, if this was a movie, he would come out here and help me with the snow. I thought he was going to come out and talk to me, but no...he just spent the next half-hour watching me shovel snow.

When I told my friend about this, she said, "Oh, dear. You HAVE TO move back into the city. You've just turned into a Jonathan Franzen character."

And I was all, "Duuuuude. I'm turning into Patty Berglund."

Of course, as soon as I yelled at the old man, I stopped pushing the snow to their side of the street. I was a bit embarrassed because I knew that even though our neighbor was being a total douche, I shouldn't have escalated it. In fact, when I told Peter about it, he was all:

"Are you okay?"

As in, do we need to send you to a mental hospital to calm down?

I am just so sick of my stupid note-leaving neighbors who are so crotchety and awful and do douchey things. But on the bright side, when the neighbor cleaned out the snow in his driveway, he didn't push it all against our side of the street this maybe my crazy rant wasn't for nothing after all.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Bronchitis in California

Peter and I just came back from a week-long Valentine's trip to a lovely resort hotel in California, but unfortunately, I was sick the entire time and I got Peter totally sick. And even though we were wheezing and coughing almost the entire time, we still had a good time (although we spent almost all of our time in the hotel).

Driving around the central valley of California, Peter and I kept saying to ourselves, "Uhm...WHY to we live in NY? Because it's perfect weather here all year round! Why have we been so stupid our entire lives?"

At one point, Peter turned and asked me, "Okay, why are you resistant to the idea of moving here?"

I really couldn't think of any real reason. But a large part of my brain was all one big ball of resistance.

And then he said, "I know. It's difficult. Because we're such New York people and California...well, it's the anti-New York."

Then it all clicked. I mean, of course that's why I'm so resistant. California is the anti-New York. It's like turning my back on a place where they do almost everything the way I'm used to and then moving to a place that's three hours behind. And yes, I know a bunch of people who have moved to California, including a whole bunch of people I went to college with, but the thought of being so far away from the center of the universe is a bit daunting.

It's one thing if we were going out there for a job or a reason, but to pick everything up and move away from all of our family just for nice weather and a cute house? In February, it's always a good idea, but then the sun comes out in March and New York is lovely for a few weeks before the deadening heat of the summer. And, oh yeah, we have bedbugs here. Maybe we should move to California.