Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Goo Is What Tape Is All About

House of Yes is now playing on Hulu!

It's on my favorites list. I love Parker Posey and the writing is incredible:

"Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is what makes it tape instead of PAPER!"

"If she were ill I could give her an aspirin, I could put her to bed, I could make her that soup you're supposed to make. But I cannot. I mean, I can make the soup, for Heaven's sake, it comes in a can."

"Excuse me, I'm going to go baste the turkey and hide the kitchen knives."

"Boy, it's been a long day."
"Not as long as yesterday. Yesterday was 24 hours."

"Oh, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. There's this thing I heard. And if I thought for one second it was true I would probably kill myself. Does your fiancee work in a doughnut shop?"
"A Doughnut King, actually."
"A Doughnut King? So is she like, the Queen? Are we entertaining royalty?"
"She would be more of a Doughnut Lady-in-Waiting."
"So she's sort of a marginal donut figure."
"In all fairness, she is a minor and not a major doughnut...figure."

Saturday, June 18, 2011

16 and Pregnant...and Stupid

There's a show on television that I can't tear myself away from and it is 16 and Pregnant.

I know, it's totally strange. I think this is the same part of me that loved to watch Jon and Kate Plus 8. One time when my sister and I were watching the show, my husband said, "I don't understand the appeal to this show. It's just a show about two people taking care of some kids."

"Yeah," my sister said. "But we're compelled to watch because there's just so many of them."

My favorite episode is the one where the anorexic girl is having a baby and she asks the doctor, "So, do you think it's possible to lose weight while I'm pregnant?"

Uhm...yeah...because you want a baby that weighs negative pounds.

And then one of her friends tries to get her to eat some food and says, "Aren't you supposed to be taking prenatal vitamins?"

The 16-year-old's response was: "I do when I remember to take them...about once a week."

Yup. This is why the show should be called 16 and Pregnant...and STUPID.

The funny thing is that a lot of the 16-year-old pregnant girl's friends have been forbidden to socialize with the pregnant girls. However, I think that hanging out with a teenager who is pregnant is the best thing to scare your daughter shitless.

There's a scene in that anorexic girl episode where she starts to go into labor while her friends are all over her house for a sleepover. All the girls burst into tears and broke out into hysterics. There was not one level head in the room.

No one said, "Okay! Let's get you to the hospital! Where are your bags?"

Instead, there was a lot of freaking out, hand-wringing and crying as the pregnant girl passes out at the dinner table.

Another reason not to get pregnant as a teenager: Your friends are just not ready to handle it.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Rocky Killed an Opossum

Last night Peter couldn't call Rocky back into the house and went out to see that he had killed an opossum. We love opossums. They eat all the rotten fruit on the ground and roadkill. Basically, they are the garbage-eaters of the world, making our communities cleaner. Plus, they're adorable.

Peter was shaking when he came back to the house and threatened to get rid of our dog.

"Is this your anger talking, or do you really want to get rid of him?" I asked.

"I just don't want a dog that does this. He's a real asshole."

I sort of argued the point that as his owners, it's our responsibility to ensure that there are no roving small animals in our yard. But Peter is insistent that Rocky "knows" it's wrong to kill animals. Hmmm. Sometimes he doesn't even "know" where his tail is.

Today I called the vet, who directed me to the Department of Health. Apparently, I need to take the dead opossum to get it tested for rabies and make sure to give the dogs their booster rabies shots. And if the opossum did actually have rabies (which the dept. of health thinks is a really low possibility), then Rocky will have to be quarantined for 6 months.

He got skunked last year and he also killed a crow. The crow, I'm just like, well, what kind of self-respecting crow can't fly away from a dog? But this poor opossum? Rocky sure is a big jerk.

When I told Peter what would happen if the opossum had rabies, he said, "Well, instead of quarantining him, I think we should put Rocky down."

Oh boy, that dog's days in our home may be numbered.