Hoping For No Sitting

Over the past few months, our coop building has had an issue with bedbugs. This, of course, scares the *bleep* out of me because the thought of our home infested with blood-sucking vampire bugs who live in beds and clothing is something that makes me want to move out of this home and into a ranch in the middle of nowhere with no visible neighbors and no visitors...ever.

Last Friday, a bed-bug-smeller dog was sent around the units to detect the presence of these suckers. I wanted to be there, but had a job interview so Peter was in charge of this. We were told that the dog would come into our home and if he found a bed bug, he would sit in that spot.

So of course, throughout my interview, all I kept thinking was, "I hope that dog doesn't sit. I hope that dog doesn't sit."

I was more nervous about what Peter was going to tell me than the job interview. I started making bargains with God like, "Please God, I would rather have NO BEDBUGS than this job...Although this job would be great too...but I'm not greedy....Thanks, God."

When I got home, Peter looked sort of unhappy and I started screaming, "Oh NO!!!! Did he sit? DID HE SIT?"

"No," Peter said. "He didn't sit. Which is a good thing...but...."

"What?"

"Well, I'm not sure if I trust that dog."

"Why not?"

"Well, picture two guys who look like Steve Buscemi and Phillip Seymour Hoffman come by with this friendly black lab, who by the way, doesn't look any different from our dogs, and says to him, 'Seek! Seek!' And the dog kind of wanders around looking all distracted and unfocused. And we're pinning all of our bed bug hopes on this dog? I mean, he looks like a nice enough dog, but he didn't seem that professional."

And then later on, Peter said that the bed bug dog trainer people were flipped out over the fact that we were toilet-training our cat.

"They kept saying, 'NO WAY!'" Peter said.

"But aren't they dog trainers? Wouldn't they be more knowledgeable about animal training than the next person?"

"Yeah. That's why I don't TRUST THEM."