Week 1 of Infinite Challenge

Have yet to crack open that book. That enormous, heavy, heavy book. Just looking at it makes me tired. Maybe the publisher could have split it up into 10 pieces so we can at least carry it around in our pockets. 

I can't put that thing in my purse! 

Maybe I should try to get the audiobook and listen to it during my commute. 

I just checked. Seems like there is no audiobook. I guess the trouble lies in the 100 pages of endnotes. 

My sister told me that she read an article which informs us that we shouldn't tell people what our goals are because simply the act of telling someone fools our brain into thinking that we're already doing it, which doesn't push us to actually accomplish the task. 

Therefore, if you really want to do something, don't tell The Internet. 

I wish I had known about this before. 

Lesson

Me: Don't flick that pineapple at me! Pineapples are so sticky!

Peter: Do you mind if I touch the pineapple to your nose?

Me: If you do, I'll punch you.

Peter: Your punishments never fit the crime.

Me: Let that be a lesson to you. 

At the Movies

Last Tuesday I went to the Mamaroneck Clearview Cinemas box office and requested two tickets to The Hangover. The lady behind the glass window asked me for a photo ID. This took me aback and I asked her why. I noticed that she didn't ask the couple ahead of me on line for their ID. 

"It's a rated-R movie," she said. 

This has happened to me before, being carded at a movie theater. About nine years ago, I couldn't get into the movie Erin Brokavich and the box office lady wanted to shield a teenager from the profanities of hexavalent chromium contamination. 

But that was when I was 27. Now I am 36 years old. I might look young, but I don't think I look like I'm still in high school.

"Wait a minute," I said. "Do you think that I'm UNDERAGED? You think that I might be 16 years old?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "COULD be!" in a very sarcastic tone, like, YEAH girl. Duh. 

I showed her my ID and watched her jaw drop. 

Throwing Down the Infinite Gauntlet

I remember flipping through a copy of David Foster Wallace's book, Infinite Jest, at the Ann Arbor Borders (which is my favorite Borders of all time, not only because it is the original Borders, but because they allowed you to bring your dog--I didn't have a dog at the time, but the fact that they kept dog biscuits behind the information booth desk makes it s'awesome) a few years after graduation. I was living in Ann Arbor (or A-squared or Tree Town as the locals liked to call it) on a lark, working on a novel that took place in a Midwestern town. 

The reviews for the novel were mixed, some people were ecstatic and promoted Wallace as The Voice of Our Generation. Others, not so much. Just looking at the size of the book was daunting. I mean, it's a thousand pages! 

I asked my friend John, reader of books and trusted critic, whether he read it and he said, "Well, no. It's an investment of a huge amount of time and I'm afraid that the book's not going to be that great and then the joke's on me. And I will NOT be made a FOOL of!"

There's a website that was launched a few weeks ago at www.infinitesummer.org. Its call to arms is:

You've been meaning to do it for over a decade. Now join endurance bibliophiles from around the web as we tackle and comment upon David Foster Wallace's masterwork, June 21st to September 22nd.

A thousand pages ÷ 93 days = 75 pages a week. No sweat.

I don't know if I've been meaning to do it for a decade, and I'm not one to usually follow the bandwagon, but it seems like a good time to read the book. 

Plans for the summer:

1. Learn Spanish

2. Read Infinite Jest 

This Is the Way I Should Look

I was talking with my friend Marisol the other day and she told me that a friend of hers was set up with a police officer. So, I guess, you're thinking, a police officer? He must be a pretty fit guy. I mean, he needs to know how to chase bad guys down the street... like we see... on television... which is... oh yeah... fictional..

This police officer was HUGE! 

And her friend was all, "Uhm. I don't date huge."

Apparently, the guy really liked what HE saw. He told her, "You look really great for your age."

"No," she said. "This is the way I should look."

In other words. This is what we should look like at this age. YOU look TERRIBLE.