Stuff You Just Can't Say

There are certain things that you just can't say when you want to remain friends with someone - and one of theses things is "Stop wasting our food!"

Yesterday, Peter's friend came over for breakfast and poured two cups of maple syrup all over his waffles.

I'm not a stingy person because if he actually ingested those cups of maple syrup, I would not have minded one bit. One time he came over and ate 75 ravioli and I just sat back marveling at this amazing accomplishment. I now introduce him to people as, "This is the guy who ate 75 RAVIOLI in one sitting."

But I felt this extreme sadness as I put his plate into the dishwasher and watched the torrent of wasted maple syrup slide down and form a sad puddle. We buy the good stuff, the stuff that costs twenty times the price of, let's say, an Aunt Jemima that is made up of sugar and high fructose corn syrup. I stand at the aisle in Whole Foods and go through several bottles to find the one that is the best price.

But how can you ask guests who come over to your house not to waste your food?

This same maple syrup thing has happened with another friend. Peter attributes it to the fact that most people buy the cheap stuff, so they don't realize that the syrup we buy is different. He thinks the way to combat this is to buy a bottle of Aunt Jemima to serve guests, which I think is so tacky. I want to serve the best to our guests.

My parents once had a friend who would serve watermelons to us, but only after she cut out all the sweet parts for her own family.

I think that there's no way to say anything like this to people in a nice way that would not make them mad. And of course, it makes me feel like a terribly negative person that this kind of stuff even bugs me.