Friday, January 09, 2009

The Worst Book EVER!!!!

I have been a lifelong reader of books ever since I have learned how to read. I have read many books. Some good, some bad, but never have I read a book and thought to myself, "THIS is the WORST BOOK EVER WRITTEN." It wins the Pulitzer Prize of BAD books.

My friends, I have discovered the NADIR OF LITERATURE and it is "You've Been Warned," by James Patterson and Howard Roughan.

I discovered this book sitting in a drawer at the house we rented in Florida. I like great literature, but I also like a good thriller. I've read some of Patterson's other books. He doesn't have the insight or the great writing voice as Stephen King, but it's like cotton candy. Most of the time, it's disgusting, but every once in a while, you want some.

Spoiler alert in case you ever want to read the NADIR OF THE WRITTEN WORD--

The story starts out with a girl nanny who is having an affair with the man of the house. The woman of the house is a witch (of course) and the kids love the nanny more than their stepmother. Okay. Can we get more cliche? This character has these awful nightmares and keeps seeing people on the streets who have died. Then she witnesses the same events from her dreams.

You would think that this was a murder-mystery, what with the body bags and the moving arm she sees poking out, but no. We go right back into the boring-ass story about her stupid affair. And then the end? In the end we discover that the wife was having an affair with a younger man all along, the nanny told the husband. The husband went to the hotel to discover what happened and ended up killing the boyfriend. The wife kills the husband and the nanny tries to save the boyfriend, killing the wife in the process. However, when the wife was defending herself, the nanny got herself killed and...the body bags the nanny saw in her dreams were of the four of them! They're all dead and she's been reliving this nightmare on a loop! It's Groundhog Day, but with body bags!

I think this may be a huge April fool's joke Patterson is playing on all of us. I mean, the title is "You've Been Warned." That should have told me something.

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