Friday, May 16, 2008

Progeny 2008!

When Peter and I went to the fertility specialist, the nurse gave us a whole list of tests I would have to undergo during my next menstrual cycle, which started today.

I called the office and set up about three different tests and I have to call another office to set up another, more invasive, test. Fun!

It was kind of amusing, because I called and the reaction on the other end of the line was, "So you're at Day 1!!"

In my mind today is no longer Friday but Day 1!! and Saturday is now Day 2!!

I know that I probably should have made all these appointments a few years ago. This is something my mother nags me about at least twice a week. Peter and I had a conversation about this last night, about whether it would have been better to find out earlier that I probably wouldn't be able to conceive naturally.

He said that this was all for the best, because we weren't ready to have children earlier and it wouldn't have been a good idea to try at that time.

I have very mixed feelings about this because having children is something I've always wanted to experience, but at the same time, not everyone gets to have everything they want in life.

Peter's mother considers herself the unluckiest person in the world and she had four healthy children. Having that in her life didn't make her a happy person.

I feel so very lucky to have met Peter and to be able to share my life with him.

In a few weeks, we'll have some answers about whether or not we'll be able to have children. I feel like I'm standing in a hallway of locked doors holding a string of keys and I'm not sure which doors are going to be able to open up.

I just hope that I don't become one of those women who get really bitter about other people's happiness.

When Peter's sister had trouble getting pregnant the first few years of her marriage, every time you would bring up a story about someone else having a baby, she would say something in a really snide way. One time, she said something like, "Oh yeah, they're reproducing?"

I don't think I have that kind of personality, but it's a human reaction to feel a bit sad for yourself.

It's kind of daunting when I think about all the people who had to survive cave-ins, tigers, evolution, revolutions, and all my ancestors who had to survive to adulthood to have progeny to get to a point where I could come into the world. It's pretty amazing.

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